Jokes / Catholic, Jew and a Mormon

A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon are sitting around talking about their families.

The Jewish guy says, `I have four sons. One more boy and I can have a basketball team.`

The Catholic says, `Well, I have eight sons one more, and I`ll have me a baseball team.`

Not to be outdone, the Morman says, `I`ve got 17 wives. One more hole and I`ll have myself a golf course.`

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Jokes, Religious Jokes,

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Jokes / God Is With Us

Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle. They were promptly stopped by a policeman who said, “What

do you think you are doing?“

“What if you have an accident?”

The priests say, “Don’t worry, my son. God is with us.”

The policeman says, “In that case, I have to book you. Three people are not allowed to ride on a motorcycle.”

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Jokes, Religious Jokes,

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Jokes / You're going straight to HELL

A very drunken man gets on a city bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.

She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you - You're going straight to hell!"

The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Good heavens, I'm on the wrong bus!"

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Jokes, Religious Jokes,

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Jokes / Three Men In HELL

The devil said to them "You have come to hell, and you must now choose whether to spend eternity in room 1, 2 or 3"

He then opened the doors to the three rooms.

Room 1 was filled with men standing on their heads, on a hard wooden floor.

Room 2 was filled with men standing on the heads, on a cement floor.

Finally, room 3 had just a few men, standing in shit up to their knees and drinking coffee.

The men thought for a while, and decided to go with room 3, as it was less crowded and they could drink coffee.

They entered the door to room 3 and just as it was closing behind them, the devil said "OK men, coffee break's over. Back on your heads."

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Jokes, Religious Jokes,

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Jokes / Prepared

Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father

and said solemnly, 

"Baptism is a serious step.  

Are you prepared for it?"

"I think so," the man replied.  

"My wife has made appetizers and we have a 

caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our 

guests."

"I don't mean that," the priest responded.  "I mean, are you prepared

spiritually?"

"Oh, sure," came the reply.  "I've got a keg of beer and a case of 

whiskey."

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Jokes, Religious Jokes,

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Jokes / A Quarter

A New York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asked him, "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?" The Lawyer thought for a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street." Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true.

Saint Peter said, "Well , that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get you into Heaven." The Lawyer said, "Wait Wait! There's more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter." Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified.

Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, "Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?"

Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter,

"Let's give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell."

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Jokes, Religious Jokes,

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Jokes / A Good Deed

A fellow finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St. Peter explains that it's not so easy to get in heaven. There are some criteria before entry is allowed.

St. Peter asked the man, "Were you religious in life? Did you Attend church services?"

"No."

St. Peter told him, "That's bad. Were you generous? Did you give money to the poor? To charities?"

"No."

"That too was bad. Did you do any good deeds? Helped your neighbor? Anything?"

"No."

St. Peter was becoming concerned.

Exasperated, St. Peter said, "Look, everybody does something nice sometimes. Work with me, I'm trying to help. Now think!"

The man said, "There was this old lady. I came out of a store and found her surrounded by a dozen Hell's Angels. They had taken her purse and were shoving her around, taunting and abusing her. I got so mad I threw my bags down, fought through the crowd, and got her purse back. I then helped her to her feet. I then went up to the biggest, baddest biker and told him how despicable, cowardly and mean he was and then spat in his face".

"Wow", said Peter, "That's impressive. When did this happen"?

"Oh, about 10 minutes ago", replied the man.

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Jokes, Religious Jokes,

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