Jokes / Brain Transplants

The patient's family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say. "Things don't look good. 

The only chance is a brain transplant. This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves."
"Well, how much does a brain cost?" asked the relatives.
"For a male brain, $300,000. For a female brain, $100,000."
Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked, but all the men nodded because they thought they understood.
A few actually smirked.
But the patient's daughter was unsatisfied and asked, "Why the difference in price between male brains and female brains?"
"A standard pricing practice," said the head of the team. "Women's brains have to be marked down because they have actually been used."

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Doctor Jokes, Jokes,

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Jokes / Out of fuel

Pilot: "Jones tower, Cessna 345, student pilot, I am out of fuel."
Tower: "Roger,  Cessna 345, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have the airfield in sight?!?!!"
Pilot: "Uh...tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is."

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Jokes, Men Jokes,

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Jokes / Jar of peanuts

An old man and a young man work together in an office. The old man always has a jar of peanuts on his desk, and the young man really loves peanuts.

One day, while the old man is away from his desk, the young man yields to temptation and scarfs down over half of the contents of the jar. When the old man returns, the young man feels guilty and confesses to his crime.

`Don`t worry, son. I never eat the peanuts anyway,` the old man replies. `Since I lost my teeth, all I can do is gum chocolate off the M&M`s.`

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Jokes, Men Jokes,

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Jokes / On the Mexican border

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He`s got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, `What`s in the bags?`

`Sand,` answered Juan.

The guard says, `We`ll just see about that. Get off the bike.` The guard detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. He releases Juan and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, `What`s in the bags?`

`Sand,` says Juan.

The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years. Finally, Juan doesn`t show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.

`Hey, Buddy,` says the guard, `I know you are smuggling something. It`s driving me crazy. It`s all I think about...Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?`

Juan sips his beer and says, `Bicycles.`

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International Jokes, Jokes,

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Jokes / Was waiting for the right time

A little girl and her dog are walking through the forest when they suddenly fall into a pit. They scramble and scramble but can`t make their way out. The little girl yells, the dog barks, but no one is around to hear their calls for help. Slowly, the night sky turns black and they find themselves engulfed in utter darkness.

Off in the distance, the wolves begin howling. Each howl is louder and closer than the last.

The little girl holds the dog close to her chest and says sadly to the dog, `This is the worst mess in which ever have found ourselves, my darling Sparky.`

`Yeah,` the dog says, `we`re really screwed.`

`Sparky,` the girl says, astonished, `I didn`t know you could talk.`

`Well,` the dog says, `I was kinda waiting for the right time to tell you.`

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Animal Jokes, Jokes,

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Jokes / A Horny Bastard

Rick`s first-grade class was having a game of Name That Animal. The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, `What animal is this?`

`A cat!` said Suzanne.

`Good job! Now, what`s this animal?`

`A dog!` said Paul.

`Good! Now what animal is this?` she asked, holding up a picture of a deer.

The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, `It`s what your mom calls your dad.`

`A horny bastard!` called out Rick.

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Animal Jokes, Jokes,

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Jokes / I Love You Too

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife:“

Listen, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.”

To which his wife responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay,

thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong

honey. I love you too!!”

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Jokes, Men Jokes,

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