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Jokes / Top 10 Chuck Norris Facts
THE TOP TEN CHUCK NORRIS FACTS:01 Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.02 Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.03 Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.04 If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.05 Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck
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']]}Jokes / An Englishman, a Canadian and an American were captured by terrorists.
An Englishman, a Canadian and an American were captured by terrorists. The terrorist leader said, "Before we shoot you, you will be allowed last words. Please let me know what you wish to talk about."The Englishman replied, "I wish to speak of loyalty and service to the crown."The Canadian replied, "Since you are involved in a question of national purpose, national identity, and secession, I wish to talk about the history of constitutional process in Canada, special status, distinct society and uniqueness within diversity."The American replied, "Just shoot me before the Canadian starts talkin
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']]}Jokes / Things You'll Probably Never See Happen in Star Trek
1. The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type that it has encountered several times before.2. The Enterprise goes to check up on a remote outpost of scientists, who are all perfectly all right.3. The Enterprise comes across a Garden-of-Eden-like planet called Paradise, where everyone is happy all the time. However, everything is soon revealed to be exactly as it seems.4. The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new lifeform, which later turns out to be a rather well-known old lifeform, wearing a silly hat.5. The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a strange alien plagu
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']]}Jokes / Liar
A man tells his wife that he's going out to buy cigarettes. When he gets to the store he finds out it's closed. So the guy ends up going to the bar to use the vending machine. While there, he has a few beers and begins talking to this beautiful girl. He has a few more beer and the next thing he knows he's in this girl's apartment and having quite a pleasurable time. The next thing he know it was 3:00 AM."Oh my, god, my wife is going to kill me!" he exclaimed. "Quick give me some talcum powder!"She gets him some and he rubs it all over his hands. When he got home his wife is up waiting for him
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']]}Jokes / " I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir ."
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, " I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir ." The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating. " Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don’t be silly, dear -- you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control." As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once!?" The wife smiles demurely and says, "Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went
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']]}Jokes / Five Important Qualities
1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job. 2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh. 3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you. 4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you. 5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.
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']]}Jokes / Bedtime storie
Mr. Brown was telling his son a bed-time story. "Once upon a time there was a white bunny....." "Jeez..dad it's boring,what about science fiction?" "Ok,Ok" Mr Brown said. Once upon a time there was a Bunny who got onto a spacecraft and...." "Dad, a little more grown up!" "Do you promise me not to tell your mom?" asked Mr Brown. " I swear!" "Ok", "Once upon a time there was a naked bunny..."
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']]}Jokes / Jim and Edna
Jim and Edna are both mental patients. One day Jim jumps into the swimming pool but, doesn't come up for air. Quick as a flash, Edna sees her friend in trouble, so dives in and pulls him out. Later, the hospital director calls Edna into his office and sayes 'Edna, Ive got some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we are releasing you as you are obviously sane 'saving anothers life'. But unfortunately, the bad news is that Jim hanged himself in the bathroom ...' 'Oh no' Edna replies, 'that's where I put him to dry !'
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']]}Jokes / Hilarious chinese learning lesson
I think you need a faceliftChin Tu FatAre you hiding a fugitive? Hu Yu Hai Ding?See me A.S.A.P. Kum Hia NaoStupid Man Dum GaiSmall Horse Tai Ni Po NiDid you go to the beach Wai Yu So Tan?I bumped into a coffee table. Ai Bang Mai NiIt's very dark in here. Wai So DimHilarious Chinese learning lesson Has your flight been delayed?Hao long Wei Ting?An unauthorized execution. Lin ChingI thought you were on a diet? Wai Yu Mun Ching?This is a tow away zone. No Pah KingYou are not very bright. Yu So DumI got this for free Ai No PeiI am not guilty! Wai Hang Mi?Please stay a while longer. Wai Go Nao?Th
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']]}Jokes / Irish shopping
McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave. "' Scuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done, "what was that all about?" "Nothing, said the Irishman, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives.
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']]}Jokes / Art exhibition at the National Gallery
A couple attending an art exhibition at the National Gallery were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three very black and totally naked men sitting on a park bench. The man in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for nearly half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African-Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society."In fact," he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink penis
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