”Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up.”
“I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.”
“I am going to call my kids Ctrl, Alt and Delete. Then if they muck up I will just hit them all at once.”
“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.”
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