Funny Quotes

"Admit it you’ve raised your hand to answer the obvious question so you don’t get called on later."

"I wish I could go back to the day I met you… and walk the hell away."

"I need a 6 month vacation, twice a year."

"Whoever said money can’t buy happiness clearly never paid for a divorce!"

"Don’t be too confident when someone tells you that they love you, the real question is “until when?” sometimes it’s just like seasons."

Friend:

“Where are you?”

Me:

“Robbing a bank.”

Friend:

“Omg really?”

ME:

“No wtf! You called my house phone where do you think I am?!”

"Two blondes were driving to Disneyland. The sign said: Disneyland Left.

So they started crying and headed home."

"If you don’t like me: -Take a map -Get a car -Drive to → HELL!! Have a nice trip."

"I hate how after an argument I think of more clever shit I should have said."